Of Regrets, Guilt, Comfort, and Love
by Raynestorm16
Summary: Logan and Julian share a hospital room after Hell Night, much to Julian's dismay. Dalton!Verse by Miss CP Coulter. Julian/Logan Jogan.


So. I just wrote. Because these boys invade my head and scream at me to write certain things, then halfway through, they lead me in a WHOLE COMPLETELY OTHER DIRECTION. Geesh.

After Hell Night, the boys are all in the hospital, and Jules and Lo end up sharing a room, much to Julian's dismay. Things happen. O_O ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own Dalton and I most certainly do not own these characters.

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><p>"Why didn't you just...just tell me, Jules?"<p>

Julian turned over in the hospital bed, wishing more than anything, that they hadn't put him in the same room as Logan. But with all the kids that had come in from Dalton, they were forced to share rooms with some of the less injured students.

"Julian. Talk to me please! We almost _died_, Jules. We almost died and the last thing I said to you was shut up. Just fucking talk to me."

"Jesus christ Logan! Shut the hell up. I obviously don't want to fucking talk to you. I asked you to forget everything I said. I never wanted you to find out. And if you had to, I sure as hell didn't want it to be like that." He rolled over and screamed at Logan. "Don't fucking look at me like that, Logan. Don't look at me like I'm the poor little boy with a crush. I don't want your fucking pity. I don't need it. I'm a big fucking boy. I'll pull myself together, we'll go to the-" Julian choked on the word.

"Don't, Jules. Don't say it. If you say it then it makes it real." Logan whispered into the space between them

"It is real. It's real. He died. He's dead and we're alive and it should have been me. This is all my fault. It should be me in the morgue right now." Julian wasn't talking to Logan anymore. He was just talking into the space around him, trying to make sense of what had happened. Because it didn't make sense. None of this made sense. He felt so fucking _guilty._ So fucking guilty about _every. fucking. thing._

"It should be me without a heartbeat. I should be dead. I deserve it. What the fuck did he ever do to deserve this? Why am I still here. He was so fucking innocent-" Julian felt arms wrap around him; he hadn't even noticed or heard Logan get out of his bed and walk over to his. Julian clutched onto the front of Logan's gown and buried his face in his best friends neck.

"It's not fair." Julian sobbed. "It's not fair, Lo. Why is he dead? Why the fuck am I alive right now. Adam wanted _me_. It should have been me. I wish it was me. Everyone is going to know it's my fault. And I know I talk a big game about not caring about what other people think of me, and I don't. But Lo..." Julian sobbed even harder into Logan's neck.

"Lo, Lo. I fucking killed someone."

Logan pulled Julian away from him and took his face in his hands. Julian had never been scared of Logan before, but the look in his eyes, it was _terrifying._

"You fucking listen to me right now Julian Larson-Armstrong. None if this is your god damn fault. NONE. OF. IT. You did not do anything. Adam is a psycho fuck. God, Jules. How the fuck can you think any of this is your fault?" The tears Logan had been fighting to hold back finally fell. And fuck if he was going to hide them. Because for the first time in a long time, he was feeling. Feeling _everything._ So many emotions were coursing through him that it was hard to put a name on any of them.

"Logan. Please. Please don't cry." Julian's hands found their way to Logan's neck; thumbs stroking against the skin, trying to soothe the boy in front of him.

"No, Jules. No. Because this is real. It's real Jules. It happened. Shit happened. And, IT. IS. NOT. YOUR. FAULT. It's not your fault Julian. God damn it, it's not your fucking fault." Julian broke down sobbing, his tears falling without hesitation. He grabbed the front of Julian's gown and pulled him to his chest.

"It's not your fault. Fuck, Jules. It's not your...fucking...fault..." Logan sobbed into Julian's hair. "It's not your fault, baby. It's not your fault. I will tell you that until the day I die. I will spend every second of my life making sure you know that. Because god damn it, Julian, I know that you're going to blame yourself for this."

Logan tilted Julian's face up to look him his eyes, searching for the answer to the question his eyes held. Julian leaned forward and Logan took that as a 'yes'. He wrapped his hand around Julian's neck and pulled him in to press their lips together.

Logan watched Julian's eyes flutter closed and his soon followed. The feeling of Julian's lips on his was not something he'd known he wanted until that moment. It felt so right. Like this is exactly where he belonged. In these arms, kissing these lips, feeling these things, about this one boy. He timidly ran his tongue along Julian's bottom lip, asking for entrance. He might be pushing too far, but right now, he really didn't care. Because right now, Logan needed him. And he needed Logan.

Julian parted his lips and let Logan take control as he pulled Logan down onto the bed to lay on top of him between his legs.

Julian's brain finally kicked him and pushed Logan away from him.

"Logan," He gasped. "What is this?"

Logan smiled as his green eyes met Julian's chocolate brown ones.

"This is me," He grabbed Julian's hand and placed it over his own heart. Then moved his hand to lay over Julian's heart. "And this is you." He smiled; it was the first time in the three years that Julian had seen this smile. He eyes lit up and he was..._radiant._

"This is us." Logan stated simply.

"Us?" Julian repeated.

"Us." Logan reaffirmed.

Julian returned the smile of the boy above him and pulled him back down to crash their lips together.

After they'd kissed each other silly, they'd fallen asleep; each of them clinging to the other as if they were the only thing keeping them from drowning in the face of all this sorrow.

Much later that night, Derek walked into their room to check on them. He opened his mouth to ask if they were both still alive, but closed it at what he saw. The two of them were squished together on the same hospital bed; legs tangled, arms wrapped around each other, hands clutching the back of gowns. Almost as if they were one person.

Derek smiled and walked quietly to the edge of the bed. He grabbed the blanket and pulled it up over his two best friends. Noticing their bruised and swollen lips, he smirked.

"It's about damn time, guys."

He chuckled to himself as he flipped the overhead light off and the small lap next to Logan's bed, on.

He didn't know what would happen. Hell, none of them knew. He was sure there would be fights he would have to break up. He'd have to be neutral in this war now. Well, even more neutral than he already was. But he'd do whatever it takes to help those two boys be happy. Because god knows, after everything they've gone through, separately and together, they both deserve it.

Derek walked out of the room and clicked the door shut quietly behind him.

"How are they?" The night nurse, who was just getting ready to go into the room when Derek showed up, asked him from behind the desk.

"They're gonna be okay." Derek smiled at her. He marveled at the truth of his statement. _Yeah, they're gonna be okay._He turned and headed back to his room down the hall, happy, for the first time in what seemed like years, since all of this crazy stalker stuff had started.

"Everything is gonna be okay."


End file.
